I write this knowing I will be waking up at an ungodly hour in the morning, packing my car full of as many teenage girls as I have seat belts and joining a small caravan to the Florida Panhandle.
My wife and I made the foolhardy decision to chaperone a group of 16 11th-graders during spring break. Other parents will be staying nearby, but we?ll be the ones sharing the beach house with this brood and cooking for them every night.
This must be doable. I remember my parents? generation going through massive Old El Paso taco kits whenever more than 10 children needed food. But I?m afraid that ship has sailed.
Of the 16, we have one garden-variety vegetarian, one strict vegan and one who eats fish but nothing higher on the phylogenetic tree.
We have a couple of kids who do not let fish cross their lips but love all kinds of meat.
And we have three kids who do not tolerate gluten because of celiac disease or other diagnoses.
I am assuming this beach house will be equipped with a cheap aluminum cookware set, three dull knives and a cutting board made from warped clear plastic. I may be wrong, but in my experience this is what beach houses in Florida offer in terms of equipment.
So how do we handle this without setting up a nightly cafeteria?
For starters, I know what I won?t cook: lasagna, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti or roasted chicken. I really don?t want to cook two meals.
I?ve put a minor amount of thought into what I actually will cook and have come up with this game plan:
1) Rice: I?m bringing my rice cooker and 15-pound bags of both short grain white rice and brown rice. By the time this week ends, these kids will think they?ve spent their spring break in a Chinese restaurant. But everyone eats rice.
2) Salad: Every dinner will include an enormous salad filled with every vegetable I can find in the Publix around the corner from our rental. If I can get my act together in the first couple of days, I may prepare a vat each of balsamic vinaigrette and ranch dressing made with loads of fresh herbs.
3) Lots of gluten-free mixes: I figure the kids and I can do a lot of taste-testing to see which pancake and bread mixes are worth getting to know.
4) Burgers: I?m assuming the rental will have a big crusty gas grill. (They always do.) Guess it?s time to develop my own recipe for grillable veggie burgers made with canned beans, rolled oats and tofu. I already have a good salmon burger recipe.
5) A daily lunch buffet: Cheese, cold cuts, hummus, sliced tomatoes, cut fruit and carrot sticks ? right? Make the kids lower their expectations for lunch.
6) Two pots of chili: This is the no-brainer that every parent who has ever fed a soccer team knows. You make one vegetarian version and one with ground turkey. Everyone is happy, particularly those who choose to shower their chili with grated cheese and sour cream.
7) Divide-and-Conquer Nights: One night I?ll want to have a big shrimp fry because we always do this at the beach. Another night we?ll want to grill chicken. I figure on those nights I?ll take a couple of young sous chefs under my belt and have them plan and prepare the meal for those kids who can?t eat the dinner. This may be a disaster or it may be a learning experience. I?ll let you know.
Because by the time you read this, my week will have just ended and I?ll be back in the safety of my own kitchen, having a tall beer and an Old El Paso taco, right from the kit.
Whether you?re hosting the spring break crowd or the family?s holiday gathering, what?s your approach to cooking for across-the-board dietary restrictions?
? John Kessler for the AJC?s Foof and More blog
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